


Neshama

by ireadtoomuchfantasy



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman, Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Daemons, Don't let Castiel name anything, Gen, M/M, Sacrifice, Season 8 finale, Souls, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-27 07:19:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ireadtoomuchfantasy/pseuds/ireadtoomuchfantasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is now human. Along with the obvious changes, he now has a soul and a daemon.</p><p>Don't worry about not knowing the His Dark Materials universe. An explanation of daemons is given in the notes at the beginning.</p><p>(This was written before 9x03 so look the reunion here isn't the same as it is in the show)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Neshama

**Author's Note:**

> In the His Dark Materials series by Philip Pullman, humans don't have their souls inside their bodies. Instead, they take the form of speaking animals that can't move too far away from their humans, though they act independently. During childhood a daemon can change its shape into pretty much any animal it wants to. Around puberty however, a daemon will settle into one shape that it will stay in for the rest of the human's life. This shape represents the personality of the human in question. For example, a shy person might have a mouse daemon.
> 
> Daemons tend to be the opposite gender of their human. It's rare for both of them to be the same gender. The author once suggested out of canon that people with daemons of the same gender might have special powers such as second sight. Since Jimmy Novak had the ability to be a vessel for an angel, I gave him a male daemon. I know that Sam and Dean were also chosen vessels but it seemed more right to give them female daemons.
> 
> A horrifying process known as separation exists where the connection between a human and a daemon is cut. The results of such a cut are detached unemotional behavior from both the human and the daemon and in most cases it ends in death for both.
> 
> In order to mesh these two universes together more smoothly, here's an explanation of how possession works:  
> When a demon or angel possesses a person, both the main consciousness of the human and their soul is overwhelmed by the possessing spirit. The possessing spirit controls the body while the daemon will not act like itself and will be unresponsive to most stimuli.

Pain was the first sensation that Castiel registered as he opened his eyes to find himself sprawled on his back after being hurled out of heaven by Metatron. Having his Grace ripped away wasn’t pleasant when he lack a corporeal form, but now that he had full access to a human nervous system, it was even less agreeable. Slowly, he stood on the shaking legs of the body that he was now trapped in.

Above Castiel’s head the sky glowed with the beautiful but terrifying sight that humans would think to be some kind of meteor shower, but that he knew to be falling angels.

Castiel’s head and chest began to ache as his body suddenly seemed to take in his surroundings in hundreds of new ways that he’d never experienced. Before, he’d primarily used his senses to detect things beyond human perception. Now that he lacked that ability, he could suddenly smell the crushed leaves under him, feel the cold (or was it fear?) that made him shiver even under his layers, and taste something vile in the back of his throat.

Before he knew it, he was on his hands and knees as the acidic contents of his stomach burned its way up and out of his mouth.

After a few minutes, the heaving stopped and Castiel felt his body begin to adapt to the changes. Everything became much less overwhelming. The throbbing in his head faded.

The feeling in his chest did not.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t quite pain. It was more uncomfortable, if anything. The feeling was constantly moving, straining against his skin like a living being.

Suddenly Castiel understood. He was human now after all, and since he no longer had a Grace, he had a soul.

Orifiel, Jimmy’s stag dæmon, had been gone since Castiel’s first resurrection. Before then, it had been difficult to explain away to humans the distant behavior of “his” dæmon that had strongly resembled that of a separated dæmon. Once Jimmy and Orifiel had disappeared, humans simply assumed that Castiel kept his dæmon hidden, hardly an unusual practice.

Castiel shrugged off his trench coat and jacket and unbuttoned his shirt. Right over his heart, just under his skin, a pulsating light shone and grew brighter as he looked at it. He could feel it tugging, trying to escape and he let it go.

As he did another shot of pain laced his nerves, and lights popped in and out of existence before his eyes.

He wondered what form his new soul would take. What shape could possibly reflect him?

When his vision cleared and the pain diminished, he blinked as he took in the sight of his dæmon.

* * *

 

It took weeks for Castiel to find the Winchesters.

When he took in the state of Sam and his dæmon, he almost wished he hadn’t.

Abbey looked terrible. She was terribly underweight and despite the fact that she was probably one of the largest dog/wolf hybrid dæmons known to man, she looked terribly small at the moment. Sam looked little better with his drawn face and dark circles. He was fast asleep, one hand buried in Abbey’s fur for comfort. The process of closing the gates of hell had clearly wreaked havoc on both his body and his soul.

Luthien lay at Abbey’s side to keep her warm, tail twitching every time someone made a startling noise. Her orange and black striped fur gleamed in the warm glow from the fireplace, but her eyes were worried.

Dean’s expression mirrored the tiger’s but relaxed at bit at the sight of Castiel.

“Cas…” he breathed. Castiel looked down at his feet, ashamed.

“I’m so sorry.” He mumbled. “Metatron tricked me. It’s all my fault-“ he was cut off by Dean tightly embracing him.

“I couldn’t give a damn about that right now. I’m just glad you’re safe.” Dean told him.

“Dean, you don’t understand. I’m human now. My Grace was torn away. I can’t heal you anymore or kill demons.”

“Did you hear a single thing I said? I couldn’t care less. You’re home.” Behind Dean, Luthien purred and Castiel remembered one of the things he’d come here to do.

“Dean, Luthien. There’s someone you need to meet.” Both of them looked confused.

“What do you mean? There’s no one with you.”

“Yes there is. I’m human now, remember?”

Luthien raised her head, understanding Castiel’s meaning seconds before Dean does.

“You have a dæmon. Where is it?”

Castiel reached in the pocket of his trench coat and cupped his dæmon in his hand, bringing her up and uncurling his fingers to reveal the physical manifestation of his new soul.

Dean wasn’t sure what he had been expecting. If he’d been asked before, he would have said that he imagined Castiel’s dæmon would be a cat or maybe some kind of bird. He certainly wouldn’t have imagined Castiel’s dæmon would be so small.

At first glance, the dæmon appeared to simply be some kind of beetle. Insect dæmons tended to be larger than their real counterparts, so the fact that she wasn't tiny didn't surprise him.

The surprise came when the beetle spread her wings, flew a few inches above Castiel’s palm, and glowed.

“A firefly. Didn’t see that one coming.” Was all Dean could manage.

The glow from the firefly wasn’t yellow or orange or green like most of the lights you might see on a summer’s night. It must have had to do with Castiel’s celestial origins because his dæmon glowed a pale bright blue.

“Hello Dean.” The firefly whispered. “Hello Luthien.”

“Hello little one.” Luthien said as the firefly flies toward her and hovered in front of her eyes. “Do you have a name?”

“I didn’t have a name for her until now.” Castiel said hesitantly.

“What is it?”

“Neshama.”

“Neshama…” Dean repeated, experimenting with the name. “Sounds nice.”

And it did. The soothing way in which the word was almost breathed out seemed to fit Castiel’s soul perfectly.

Speaking of which, Neshama and Luthien seemed to be getting sleepy, though they were still talking about something too quietly for their humans to hear. The hunter and the former angel were beginning to feel tired as well.

“Well, we’ve got some couches. Might as well get some sleep. Never know when you’re gonna get another chance.” Dean said.

Castiel nodded in agreement, feeling drowsy for the first time.

There were only two couches and since Sam took up the entirety of one of them, Castiel found himself sharing the other with Dean. It wasn’t too bad really. The couch was soft and Dean was warm.

The last thing he saw before he fell into his first sleep and his first dream was Nashama shining happily from on top of Luthien’s head.

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of made a bit of a joke.  
> You see, Neshama means "soul" in Hebrew.  
> So Castiel basically named his soul "soul"  
> It was meant to show his lack of creativity. I love him but I can see him as being a bit unimaginative with names.
> 
> Oh yeah, and for anyone curious the reason I chose a stag for Jimmy's daemon was that it's an animal that has biblical connotations (referring to his deep religious beliefs), but that while noble, isn't associated with warfare (like how Jimmy didn't want to be a vessel after knowing what it entailed but still became one so Claire wouldn't have to). Plus the idea of Castiel walking with a stag at his side sounds awesome.


End file.
